I tell myself that I write about borderline personality disorder (BPD) because I want to help others struggling with BPD and crisis. But, if I’m truly being honest here, I’m not writing to others — I’m writing to a former me. The me who spent hours googling my behavior looking for answers. The me desperately seeking relief from my inner torment. A me I assume is long gone. This time, however, I want to write to a different me. This time, I want to write to the me that thinks she made it to the other side. The me that pretends to have some kind of authority on getting through BPD. This time I want to write to today’s me.

BPD Crisis and My Apparent Recovery

I pride myself on my mental health notes. I have an identity Word document for when I lose sight of who I am. I have a list of steps to follow for abandonment. I know what signs indicate splitting and delusional thinking. I have instructions on how to get through all my borderline symptoms in one piece.

I live with the perception that I can handle whatever comes my way. Armed with my ever-growing arsenal of BPD instruction manuals, BPD stands no chance. However, when disaster did strike, it wasn’t me that stood victorious.

BPD Crisis: When Mental Health Strikes Back

I usually live my life planned, grounded, and in control. Structure is my name, and stability is my game. Spontaneity is permitted in small doses, but I prefer a calm, simple, no surprises kind of life. Once, I accidentally changed the background on my phone and suddenly felt impending doom. So, you can imagine when I learned that my residency was under threat, it was nothing short of paralyzing.

I am American and have lived in Denmark for 7 years. I love Copenhagen (the Danish capital) and don’t have any plans to pack up and go home any time soon. Just the idea of leaving Copenhagen feels like an earthquake. Moving away would change everything in my environment, from language to societal norms to my social and professional network — literally my entire life.

As it turned out, I wasn’t prepared for anything. All my BPD coping manuals and mental health notes did not prepare me for the threat of change on such a grand scale as a move across the globe.

BPD Crisis and Backsliding

It’s funny how recovered I see myself when everything is simple and easy. This situation was definitely humbling and reminded me just how important it is to keep my coping skills practiced. Join me again in two weeks, where I’ll discuss what became of my little apocalypse and what I learned from it.

What kind of coping skills do you use when challenging times create a crisis that BPD reacts poorly to? Let me know in the comments.